yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
