Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
