The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
