No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
