did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
