Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
