My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
