lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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