Cold hands, warm shart.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
honey bunches of taint.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
