This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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