I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
