Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
