is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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