Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
