she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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