Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
