We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
