I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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