I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
