so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
