Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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