I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
