there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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