the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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