My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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