Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
