I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
