I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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