i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
