the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
