she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
