he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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