The maid of honor just puked.
You can't special order awesome
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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