Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
