i wish my penis had a tongue
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
