The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
two words...techno handjob
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
