oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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