Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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