So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
