Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
