If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
