hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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