his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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