i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Randomize
