i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
