So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
