It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
