Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
