I CAN MOONWALK!
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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