dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
