I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
